Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Tune Tuesday: love to be believed in

I had fallen completely in love with this song, even singing it at the top of my lungs in the car on the way to work a few times, and then I found the video. I understand a bit more of the heart behind the song which makes it a deeper meaning than simply "a wonderful love song".  Now it is that plus so much more.  Well done Jana Kramer.
Love, how many times can a heart break?
Love, how much weight can a soul take?
Love, I don’t know where you ran off to
But love, love, love, I still believe in you.


There's one other thing I want to say about this song.  The lyrics of the bridge are probably the ones that I appreciate the most.  It goes like this:
I still believe that you’ll come knocking on my door
When I least expect you to
You give me something I can hold
You pull me through, cuz that’s what you do,
That’s what you do love
Yeah, that’s what you do love
When I first heard the lyrics I thought my myself that she nailed it but then I asked myself why it resonated so much with me.  It took awhile but finally it dawned on me this last weekend that it is so true in my experience in the DR, and not just with SM but with finding love through all of the people down there.  I was not looking for love the first time I went down.  I was still hurt and raw from SHF.  I mean I was healing and it was definitely easier but I was still confused and a little afraid about my future.  What I found there was a different type of love.  It was something I could hold and it came to me even though I wasn't looking - it knocked on MY door.  The love I found there pulled me through to a new place in my life, one of joy and passion.  It was love that did that.  Nothing else.

Then SM.  I actually told myself I would not look for love in October other than what I had with my kiddos.  I knew the traps and I was prepared to stand up to them.  But not only did love knock at my door then, it knocked me over.

And if it wasn't for my relationship with SHF I never would have bought an extra week of vacation for 2013.  I never would have been able to go to the DR a second time that year.  If not for my breakup and falling in love in the spring with the program and the country and the kids, I never would have returned in October.  I never would have met this wonderful man who continues to surprise me every day. 

It's a small thing but when I look at all of those contingencies - the fact that my first trip got pushed back a few months giving me more time to be on my feet and less afraid of being hurt by any being, the anger I felt over the cost of that extra week of vacation every month, the chance that I chose SM's school to attend, the chance that Bruna finished up at the aquarium at just the right moment to call Jonathan so he would pick her up and we would met on Sunday instead of the next day at school so she could invite me to go dancing with her and SM, the chance that Bruna is the one person from Brazil who doesn't dance, the chance that I had gotten into Zumba years before and knew how to Bachata and Merengue because of it even though I am no dancer.......  I don't believe it's chance people.  There is simply no way ALL of those stars aligned to fill my life with the love I'm currently experiencing.  It's a plan.  And I'm thankful for it.  It gives me deep peace.

Sort of like that crazy plan of a Savior knocking on my door. All the while filled with a love I will never quite understand. 

Interesting.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Restless

I step outside and am hit by heat and smoke.

I am transported to Barahona. 
I am Restless.