Tuesday, September 06, 2011

Two weeks

I realized yesterday that I am two weeks from surgery. It sent me in to a bit of a frenzy. I realized that my time to really clean my house for a while was ending. I'm going to be camping next weekend so I'll probably have a little time Sunday after I get back to pick things up but I have no other pretty empty days to really get after it. Needless to say, my day was spent in frantic cleaning mode. I took a break for "Happy Hour" at my house with Shannon and Katie but other than that I was the Tasmanian Devil, swirling around and doing everything I had been putting off for 6 months and other things I had been putting off for a couple weeks. I felt great walking downstairs this morning and smelling the smell of "clean" left behind yesterday. 

The two week deadline has also made me more stressed at work. I plan to only be out a little over two weeks but I know thinking I'm going to come back full time that third week is in no way realistic so I need to start thinking more about three weeks. That's a big chunk of time to be out with the amount of needy clients I have on my book. My assistant has gotten more and more useless and of course decided to take a majority of his vacation right before and right after I am scheduled to be gone. I should have been more assertive with him and told him he couldn't take his vacation at that time but I felt bad that his plans would have to change. I stopped feeling bad last week when I overheard him complaining about the fact that he was going to be gone and then I was going to be gone, only to be back for a few short days before he left again. I'm sorry the fact that I have to have surgery got in the way of your fun a-hole. I wanted so badly to lay into him about those comments but I bit my tongue and talked to the department manager about it. I'll let her deal with the problem. Hopefully she'll be able to tell him what needs to be said without the emotions that I would have behind it.

It doesn't help that one of the final things I really feel I need to do before the surgery is get my Will and Powers of Attorney finalized. It's bad that it has taken surgery for me to finally decide to get it signed (I've had it drafted and ready to go for years) but it has. I can't even count the amount of times I've told clients not to wait to get their wills drafted. Clearly I didn't listen to my own advice. Now it's with fear that I've decided to finalize things.

It isn't like I expect to DIE. I expect to come out of it happy and healthier than I am as I sit here today, but there is that nagging fear in the back of my mind. I've actually never been afraid of death. I know I'm going to Heaven and I know really the people left behind are the ones who suffer the most but even though I'm not super afraid of death (just the questions about the unknown of death) there is a BIG part of me who also doesn't really WANT to die yet. My surgeon has done thousands of these surgeries. I don't know for sure but I'm fairly certain the amount of deaths caused by the procedure is very small but really it's the first time I've been through something significant like this where I thought - you know KT, you have to realize it is a possibility. I guess it's better to be prepared but I'm still pretty scared at times when I really think about it.

SO I guess I'll get those Estate Planning documents finished and then stop thinking about it. That's the only answer and it's the one I'm going to go with.

Also, if you are reading this and you are a praying person if you could pray for Mr P and Phinneygirl who I wrote about in a recent post. Mr. P is back at the hospital and dealing with some significant health issues. I'm not sure if it is from his surgery or some other underlying health issue but they both could really use some prayers for strength for both of them and healing for him. Thanks. I appreciate it and I know they both appreciate it as well.

1 comment:

Wenikio said...

I still cry every time I get rolled back to surgery so that they have to give me the juice before we hit the OR doors. While you'll still think about these things in preparation, you can be reasonably confident that it'll be for nothing at best and a good prompt for evaluating some things at worst. I'll be praying for peace for you as surgery approaches :) Remember, no surgery is normal and it's appropriate for you to feel that it isn't!

And ditto on the Phinneys. Let's storm the gates of heaven for them!