Friday, September 16, 2011

My Brain Needs a Vacation

Stupid things I've said lately

1) To a young good looking guy in the hardware store "what is a three-way?".

2) Left a message for a potential client telling them I wanted to find out if I can trust them or not.

3) "Hello - I would like to talk to you about something on your bush."

I would like to blame the drugs but I'm off them as of Wednesday.

Friday, September 09, 2011

Remembering September 11th

I always feel a little bad about having mixed emotions on September 11th. For one thing it was a terrible day for our country. I can't believe it was ten years ago. I was one of few people who chose to not live in front of the television the week it happened. I prayed instead and went about my life. I didn't think dwelling in and being overwhelmed by the sadness of the situation would do anything to help. I didn't want to get stuck in the tragedy. I knew I couldn't handle that. It was a sad day and when the anniversary comes around it's a reminder of how fragile life really is.

However, September 11th is also my niece's birthday. She turned one ten years ago. I think having something to truly celebrate that day is actually a really good thing. My family would be very different if it didn't have Kelly in it. She is a spitfire to the 20th degree and is one of the most pleasant kids to be around. I love her like none other and I celebrate every year that she is alive.

That's where the mixed emotions come in. It's sort of this weird middle ground of emotion where I know I should be sad or thinking of people's whose lives were lost on 9/11 but yet all I really think about is the joy one little girl's life gave the people she knows on 9/11. I find it hard to be sad in the face of that blessing.

They were talking on the radio this morning about where they were when they heard about what was going on in New York and elsewhere. It got me thinking about where I was. I was in my second year of law school and I was getting ready for class in my still pretty new to me apartment and I got this feeling I should turn on the TV. I never have the TV on when I'm getting ready so it was a weird feeling and I decided to follow it. (I'm one to rarely discount my woman's intuition and usually attempt to follow it pretty closely.) I turned on the TV as footage of the first plane came on the news. I think my feeling about the television was probably within minutes, if not seconds, of when the first crash occurred. The commentators were still thinking it was a small commuter plane that crashed into the building at that time. I watched what was going on as I finished getting ready and then I went to school. I kept the radio on and then the timing gets a little bit foggy. I can't remember clearly if I heard on the radio about the second plane or if I made it to school and saw the footage. Because the footage played over and over of the second plane I get confused in my memory where I first heard. Needless to say my professor tried to have my morning class but it was let out early and classes were either canceled or not attended for the rest of the day.

I remember a kind of numb/dull feeling that came over me after about an hour. That's when I decided it was time to go about my day. I tried to run errands - at businesses that were mostly closed - and then I just gave up and went home. I allowed myself an hour of news everyday that first week and picked up the paper and tucked it away for another day sometime in history.

I never thought I would have a time in my life where I would say "I remember where I was when....". People talk about that with JFK being shot, or the man walking on the moon. I never expected to have National tragedy in my life but I do. I wonder what my niece and nephew will have as theirs.

If you feel like commenting and letting me know where you were when you heard about the World Trade Center I would love to hear about it. But also, I would love it if you could come up with something to celebrate about the day. It was already ten years ago. I can't believe it. I think it's important to remember as well as look forward.

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

Two weeks

I realized yesterday that I am two weeks from surgery. It sent me in to a bit of a frenzy. I realized that my time to really clean my house for a while was ending. I'm going to be camping next weekend so I'll probably have a little time Sunday after I get back to pick things up but I have no other pretty empty days to really get after it. Needless to say, my day was spent in frantic cleaning mode. I took a break for "Happy Hour" at my house with Shannon and Katie but other than that I was the Tasmanian Devil, swirling around and doing everything I had been putting off for 6 months and other things I had been putting off for a couple weeks. I felt great walking downstairs this morning and smelling the smell of "clean" left behind yesterday. 

The two week deadline has also made me more stressed at work. I plan to only be out a little over two weeks but I know thinking I'm going to come back full time that third week is in no way realistic so I need to start thinking more about three weeks. That's a big chunk of time to be out with the amount of needy clients I have on my book. My assistant has gotten more and more useless and of course decided to take a majority of his vacation right before and right after I am scheduled to be gone. I should have been more assertive with him and told him he couldn't take his vacation at that time but I felt bad that his plans would have to change. I stopped feeling bad last week when I overheard him complaining about the fact that he was going to be gone and then I was going to be gone, only to be back for a few short days before he left again. I'm sorry the fact that I have to have surgery got in the way of your fun a-hole. I wanted so badly to lay into him about those comments but I bit my tongue and talked to the department manager about it. I'll let her deal with the problem. Hopefully she'll be able to tell him what needs to be said without the emotions that I would have behind it.

It doesn't help that one of the final things I really feel I need to do before the surgery is get my Will and Powers of Attorney finalized. It's bad that it has taken surgery for me to finally decide to get it signed (I've had it drafted and ready to go for years) but it has. I can't even count the amount of times I've told clients not to wait to get their wills drafted. Clearly I didn't listen to my own advice. Now it's with fear that I've decided to finalize things.

It isn't like I expect to DIE. I expect to come out of it happy and healthier than I am as I sit here today, but there is that nagging fear in the back of my mind. I've actually never been afraid of death. I know I'm going to Heaven and I know really the people left behind are the ones who suffer the most but even though I'm not super afraid of death (just the questions about the unknown of death) there is a BIG part of me who also doesn't really WANT to die yet. My surgeon has done thousands of these surgeries. I don't know for sure but I'm fairly certain the amount of deaths caused by the procedure is very small but really it's the first time I've been through something significant like this where I thought - you know KT, you have to realize it is a possibility. I guess it's better to be prepared but I'm still pretty scared at times when I really think about it.

SO I guess I'll get those Estate Planning documents finished and then stop thinking about it. That's the only answer and it's the one I'm going to go with.

Also, if you are reading this and you are a praying person if you could pray for Mr P and Phinneygirl who I wrote about in a recent post. Mr. P is back at the hospital and dealing with some significant health issues. I'm not sure if it is from his surgery or some other underlying health issue but they both could really use some prayers for strength for both of them and healing for him. Thanks. I appreciate it and I know they both appreciate it as well.