Friday, July 30, 2010

Who is your "person"?

Everyone needs a “person”. You know, the individual you would call in the event of an emergency. They should be in your life on a daily basis and live in the same town or at least within close proximity of you. I had a sad moment last night when I realized I don’t really have a “person” right now. I have my family but that’s a weird concept for me. I’m not used to having to rely on them for that sort of support and it’s a prideful thing for me to feel like I don’t need to. I got extremely frustrated with Work yesterday when I realized that I actually am his “person” or at least one of them but yet the same isn’t true for me. He can text me, ask me for a favor and know it isn’t stepping over any lines but yet I don’t feel like I can call him when I’m locked out of my car, in tears, in the parking garage. I'm in desperate need of a single girlfriend around my age who can be my person and for who in turn I can be their "person". Life is too lonely without that.

Make sure to call your person today and thank them for being that for you. You will miss them and wish you had when they aren't around any longer for whatever reason.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

work and Work, etc.

I’ve been a bit out of touch lately and I apologize for it. The move to Spokane has been remarkable and has made me not super interested in sharing some of my thoughts with my cyber friends for whatever reason. Wow – I can’t believe I just said the phrase “cyber friends”. I’ve suddenly become a super SUPER nerd. Anyway. It’s been good but also a challenge. I’ve tried to stay as upbeat and positive about things as possible which has been easy at times and very difficult at times. I’m thankful for the friends who have been to see me (Kirstin, Adrienne) and those who are coming (Murph, Scobys, Schneiders). You all have kept me sane.

My job is GREAT. People are happy to be there everyday. I’m happy to be there about 99% of the time. There are some great personalities that keep me amused. I get to be in this incredible place where I’m on a team with individuals who have and who are caring for people who have various disabilities. What an honor.

As is often the case there’s someone who has caught my attention who I’ve come to care about a lot. We’ll call him “Work”. It was successful for Lora. Maybe it will be for me as well.

Work (the capital W one, not the lowercase) probably creates 80% of my joy and about 90% of my frustration. That doesn’t seem like a very good balance. It’s not very fair sometimes as I feel like perhaps I’m getting used a bit for his benefit. This feeling seems to go in waves. It’s probably a lot in my head based on where my security in myself is for the day but as I’ve become fond of saying – you really can’t help what you feel whether it’s rational or irrational. It is what it is. He definitely knows how to get to me. On more than one occasion he’s told me I’m his priority. This is an absolute key phrase for me after my experience of feeling like I have never been good enough to be someone’s priority. With MFer it was always work first. With Carney it was anything he could think of. With Mr. Airplane it was, well, it was Mr. Airplane. I was his priority when I could be. I can’t ever find fault with that guy. (sigh) It’s one of the things that has been the most painful in my dating life so when that statement is made I swoon. Whether he means it or not I don’t know. But I also don’t know why I doubt that he does.

On my run last night I was berating myself about some of the mistakes I’ve made and telling myself that God is still holding those mistakes against me. I found myself wondering if I hadn’t done this or if I had made a different choice in certain situations would I be in a different place in life. As is usually the case when I got done beating myself up I didn’t feel any better. Funny though the devotional today reminded me that there was no truth in what I was telling myself.

God Says You Are Forgivable
By Rick Warren

I am the God who forgives your sins and I do this because of who I am and I will not hold your sins against you. Isaiah 43:25

When something starts going wrong in your life, do you automatically think, "God's getting even with me, I know it! I did that thing I'm ashamed of yesterday (or last year or twenty years ago) and now he's settling the score."

Does God really treat his children that way? Absolutely not! Isaiah says God doesn't hold our sins against us. Once we've confessed our sins to him, it's all forgiven and forgotten and he doesn't even bring up the past.

If you're a Christian, pay close attention to Ephesians 1:4-5: "Even before the world was made, God had already chosen us to be his through our union with Christ, so that we would be holy and without fault before him. Because of his love God had already decided that through Jesus Christ he would make us his children—this was his pleasure and purpose." (TEV)

Do you realize that when God looks at you, he sees you through Jesus Christ? Jesus Christ on the cross paid for all of your sins so that you're forgiven and they're forgotten.

That's why becoming a Christian is such GOOD NEWS. I give Jesus all my life -- the good, the bad, the ugly - and he takes it and he forgives me and he gives me a new chance. He says, "Now I see you without a single fault. You stand before me covered with my love."

What a relief.

I have found a church that I really like which is going to be a good thing. I’m hoping I’ll meet some people and I’ll get rid of some of the loneliness I’ve been feeling lately in addition to getting some good teaching. We have a new pastor and he’s great. It’s nice to feel like I’m not the only newbie around.

I’m closing in on a house on the South Hill but it is still a ways out in the negotiation process. I’m looking at new construction again so it probably won’t be done until the end of the year (or according to Nathan a year from the end of the year. Please don’t let that be the case again!). It will be nice to have a decision made however – one that gives me the mental peace of knowing when I should be on my own again. I can’t wait to be in a house that smells like me with my own things around me and only who I choose to answer to to answer to. I appreciate the time spent with my parents, it won’t ever happen again more than likely, but the time has come.

So that’s it for now. I have my Europe stories to put up and I’m going to have a quiet weekend more than likely so I’ll do my best to maybe get some stuff uploaded.