Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Summer 2007 (Part 3) Competitive Sporting Events

Generally there is a least one entry about a summer competitive sporting event that takes place every year – Hoopfest – but that entry didn’t happen this year for some reason. There were four significant events this summer so I’ll just combine the four of them in one entry here.

1. Laureen Miller Memorial Bike Ride - This is the most fun organized bike ride I have ever done. This sentiment has led me to participate in it three times now. One year it poured rain, this year it was over 100 degrees, but yet still my favorite. Weird. It benefits an amazing Cancer support organization in Spokane which makes it pretty easy for me to want to participate. My sister, her friend Faye and I decided to do the half century ride (50 miles) this year which is a beautiful ride. Faye made it about half way before turning around but Jess and I managed to finish the route despite the stifling heat. I’m looking forward to next year when it will hopefully just be Jess and I and we can push through earlier in the day and finish with a good time for once. I think I could easily do the ride in two and half to two hours and forty five minutes if I was on my own but I keep getting held up. It is much more fun to have another person with you but my competitive spirit has a hard time with that sometimes. Anyway, it was a great start to the “season” and I’m looking forward to doing it again next year. Jess found another ride she really likes later in the season so hopefully I’ll give that one a try next year too.

2. Hoopfest – Tim, Erin, Pete and I made up the team again this year. Our team name was The Hack Pack – that’s decent and I didn’t get in trouble for picking “Keith and Kelly’s Team”. All in all it was a great weekend. We ran into some big players (one guy’s shirt said “I hope you like animals because I am a beast” hahaha) which made it hard and unfortunately failed to win any games which was pathetic but I think we all had a good time. A new addition this year was that my nephew Keith played on a team. It was a lot of fun to have a group of little guys to cheer on when we weren’t playing. They did really well although they lost two games on Saturday so didn’t get to play on Sunday which is always disappointing. At least with our two losses and no wins on Saturday we got to play Sunday morning. That makes it feel more like a tournament. It was great to have Erin and Daniel up from LA. Next year I think Daniel is planning on bringing up a group of ringers from Huntington Beach. I’m definitely looking forward to that.

3. Ragnar – This was a new event for me this year. I don’t know what made me think it was something I could or wanted to do but I saw it in a running magazine and decided to see if I could get a team together for it. Basically, you get together a team of 12 runners and three volunteers (although it turns out you really do need more than that, but now we know) and you run 190 miles in approximately 30 hours. I wish I could even begin to describe what that experience was like. First of all you spend the time in a van with 6 of your teammates with no sleep and no showers and each of you running a minimum of a half marathon over that time period which is enough to make any experience memorable. I lost two toenails and could hardly walk at the end because of a knee injury. I am pretty sure most people ended up with at least one blister. Each team member runs three legs of the race and the race goes all through the night. It’s pretty amazing actually. Looking back on it I can’t believe I did it. I’m really not a runner. It is all I can do to make myself go three miles so when I was training and going out on a Saturday to run 10 miles for “fun” I was pretty amazed at myself. The team did great. We finished which was my goal. Katie had to use her nursing skills on someone but thankfully he wasn’t on our team. We made some great friends for the weekend and while at first I was hesitant to commit to doing it again in 2008 I am starting to get a little bit excited for it now. We are going to need some new team members because I know a number of people won’t be up for it again but if we can make the team happen then I think I am in. Maybe.

4. Triathlon – I decided to only do one triathlon this summer because of Ragnar and it turned out to be a good one. I don’t know if it was because of all the training I did for Ragnar or what but I finished second which is the best I have ever done. I don’t think I will be doing anymore Tris unless it is in a relay but I would maybe like to do the bike portion of an Olympic or half Ironman at some point so maybe that is the way I can continue with them. Every year at the end of the season I say it is the last one for me and I always find myself doing one more anyway, so who knows what will happen in 2008 but I feel pretty good that I was able to finish within the medals and I would hate to lose that high by going one more and not doing as well. I am still yet to break the hour and a half mark so maybe I can make that my goal for 2008 and have a reason to try one more time. I’ll see how my old joints are feeling next year. It would only be a matter of shaving off about two minutes. I can do that right?

It was a pretty momentous summer as far as those types of activities were concerned. I continue to amaze myself at what I have the “desire” and “ability” to do. I have an inkling about doing a half marathon that lasts for about 2 seconds before I do a reality check about my hate (literally hate) of running. Eventually I am going to have to find something else to challenge me. I might have come up with an idea but I need to go find a competition to watch before I decide and if I write it down then I feel obligated to do it so you’ll have to wait to see what’s in store there. Maybe I’ll become a professional award winning angler.

Well, my recap of Summer 2007 is almost over. I have one more weekend to write about and then I can put it to rest.

Monday, October 22, 2007


The way our office space is configured is slightly ridiculous. I can hear everything the two attorneys next to me say if their doors are open. At times I can hear TKO across the office from me. Part of it is my good hearing, part of it is rude loud talking and part of it is just acoustics. It is about 5:30 pm right now and this is generally my quiet time in the office. I am usually the last person here at night and I love that. I don’t bother to come in early because I wouldn’t get any work done at that time of day – I would sit in front of my computer and sleep – and besides MP and SLF are here and I have more desire to have my fingernails pulled out one by one than I do to be trapped in the office with just SLF and MP. Tonight they both just made their exit – cutting about a half hour into my quiet and productive time. SLF made a rude comment to me as he left thinking it was funny but it was mostly just plain rude and basically ruined any chance I had of having a productive final hour because I am stewing.

Anyway, a few minutes ago I heard SLF talking to his wife on the phone. His wife is wonderful. I have met her a number of times and I really like her. She is hang loose in an uptight way and has a great laugh. She is an odd combination but makes a person feel very comfortable and welcome. More times than not when SLF talks to her it is with little or no respect. Today he was clearly annoyed that she had called and asked him to do something, either come home for an activity with their kids or maybe pick something up on the way home. I couldn’t hear her side of the conversation and couldn’t figure out exactly what was going on but the tone he used with her was unbelievably rude and belittling. I know that tone well because he tends to use it with me quite often. It is one thing to talk to your underling that way and a complete other to talk to your spouse like that. He informed her he wouldn’t be home for a while because he had a couple of phone calls to make and then he went out for drinks with MP. I’m telling you, my dad would have NEVER done that. My dad also is never disrespectful to my mom the way SLF is to his wife. If I am blessed with the opportunity to be married someday my prayer is it is a relationship full of respect for one another; respect and the desire to hurry home to spend time together. I think we all deserve that.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

How old is too old?

In the past three days I have been set up on blind dates with a 45 year old and a 42 year old. Beeing 29, having just come out of a relationship with a 22 year old I am wondering is that too old?

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Summer 2007 (Part 2) The List

I have a list of approximately 100 things to do before I die. I heard it called a “bucket list” at the movies on Saturday; you know things to do before you kick the bucket. Some of the things I have checked off the list have been surprising – sing at Carnegie Hall, meet the President of the United States, “hang out” with the Mariners, etc – some not as surprising – own a home, pass the bar exam, graduate from Law School, etc. This summer I was able to check off another surprising one. I sang the national anthem at a professional baseball game. OK, maybe it was just the minor leagues but it counts and who knows, next time it might be Safeco Field. Fifteen of my nearest and dearest came to support me, including my mom and nephew Keith from Spokane. Adrienne, Keith and Carney all accompanied me on the field. The picture of Keith is of him looking up at Carney before I sang (can you tell the guy is 6 foot 5?). Keith and my niece Kelly loved Carney. In fact, Kelly asked him to move in with her. It is possible he cared more for them than he did for me but who can blame him? But I digress. It was an awesome experience. I hope to do it again next season. I wonder what other “impossible” feats I will tackle next.

Friday, October 12, 2007

2nd Thursday Night Family Dinner

It is way too late on a Thursday night for me to be sitting down to write a blog but I am totally amped up from the evening and need a moment to let my brain get it all out and my body to slow down for half a second. I guess Tessie feels the same way because she just attacked me. We both could use some downtime.

A little over a year ago, I think September 2006, I decided I wanted to start a monthly dinner party at my place. I had wanted to start one for some time. This is actually another product of my break up with Mr. Airplane. I wanted to do something for other people. I wanted to feel like I had a community and not just a community that met on Tuesday nights to fellowship and learn about the Bible but a community in my home. When I moved to my house in November 2006 I felt extremely guilty because of its size. There was no need for Ella and I to have as much space as we have here. The way I justified the space was that I promised myself I would find a way to share it with as many people as possible. 2nd Thursday night dinner is one of the ways that I have done that.

As you can see from the pictures there is a group of about 15 of us who have become regulars at my house. It ebbs and flows a little. I think tonight we were missing one person who is here a lot and had one newbie which I am thankful for. We always drink an amazing amount of wine and beer and my dinner is notorious for having SOMETHING wrong – at least in my head – whether it be late (like tonight’s macaroni and cheese – sorry guys) or a little runny or spicy or whatever but all in all I would say I am a decent cook and I really enjoy preparing a meal for some of the people I love the most in the world. These people have truly become my family away from my family.

I was thinking tonight as I was cleaning the kitchen after everyone and their dogs left about how one of the things I want to do most in the world is make people happy. I am not generally a people pleaser. I don’t bend over and take it. I don’t agree just to appease people but if I can find a way to make someone I love happy I am happy. I think that is what 2nd Thursday Night dinner is for me. That’s what I get out of it. A chance to hopefully help people finish out their week a little bit happier than it would have been if not for the opportunity to get together, hang out, play silly games, get prayed for by Daddy Aaron or Uncle Jon and hopefully eat a good meal.

So – to my 2nd Thursday Night Family – Peter, Laura, John Mabbott, Pete, Erica, Adrienne, Sam, Kim, Rachel, Wendy, Aaron, Heidi, Suzannah, Brian, Brandon, Ruthie and Mack (and those of you who weren’t here tonight) – thanks for letting me love on you one night a month, for your patience in my silly games and my sometimes late or hot or salty or runny food, for letting me practice my cooking “skills” on you every month and basically for loving me in return. Next month who knows what culinary treats await. I turn 30 on the second Thursday in November. I guess that calls for a little something extra special and I can’t think of a crew I would rather spend the evening with.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Summer 2007 (Part 1)

I realized the other day that there were some significant things that took place this past summer that I never memorialized in my blog. This information is a bit outdated but will serve me well in the future when I look back and want to remember what had been going on.

#1 Hawaii
Erica, Adrienne and I decided that we are all turning 30 this year and it was the perfect excuse to go on a trip together. I’m not sure what excuse I will be making for a trip to Belize next year but I am sure I can come up with something. The last week of May the three of us packed our bikinis and went. Erin’s aunt and uncle have a house on Maui that they said we could use any time so I took advantage and we had a free place to stay. It MIGHT have the nickname the shack for a reason but shoot, the price was right. We arrived in the evening on Monday May 21st and only had time really to get some food at Costco, find the house and then go out to dinner. I had never been to Hawaii and was SO excited to get there that I could hardly see straight. I LOVE the hot weather and had never been on a tropical vacation where I could just sit on the ocean shore all day and drink umbrella drinks. The first day we went to the West shore and spent the day in the sun. Unfortunately, my body decided to reject the idea of a relaxing vacation and I ended up throwing up on the beach, and in a parking lot on the way home, and on the side of the road and just outside our house. 24 hours later I was back to myself again – after at one point telling Adrienne and Erica to take me to the hospital because I thought I was dying – and it is a good story to tell. Best of all a good looking local (at least he was in my puke infested brain) gave me a mango to make my stomach feel better and I created a great memory for them of their memorial day picnic. Sorry about that.

I’m not entirely sure what A and E did the day I was sick, I think it entailed the beach and a little shopping but they could fill you in on the details. So, the third day I was back on my feet and we decided to drive the road to Hana. I suggested I drive as my stomach was still a bit queasy and I figured driving would be better than riding and man am I glad I did! I love to drive and I tell you that road was a lot of fun – even in a rented Grand Am. If only I had a motorcycle. I probably would have killed myself. On the Road to Hana we saw waterfalls, the Garden of Eden, Black Rock Beach and the Seven Sacred Pools to name a few. Words can’t begin to describe how beautiful that is. I can see why people go there on their honeymoons. It was amazing. Someday I would love to go back and stay in Hana or camp at Black Rock Beach.

The days we did things are starting to blur a little (I should have written this sooner) and I don’t want to bore you so the general remainder of the time was spent doing a lot of wonderful things and some serious relaxing. I got to surf which is SO much easier in Hawaii than in California! The break is so much further out and surfing in only a rash guard instead of a full wetsuit is 100 times better. We went on a kayaking/snorkel trip where we swam with the huge and amazing turtles and I enjoyed flirting with the guide. We spent a lot more time on the beach playing in the waves, body surfing and swimming. We went to an amazing luau and spent a night dolled up and out on the town. A and I went and saw the most amazing sunrise on top of the crater and I know there were more major adventures. Maybe A and E can remind me, or I should look at my pictures – a few of which are posted here. (HAHA - the pics just reminded me of Geisha face A!) Anyway, it was an amazing time. I didn’t want to leave. I haven’t ever put my watch back on so I claim to now live 100 percent of the time on island time and I am just fine with that fact.

Well, I’ll get to the remainder of the summer in the next entry. For now I’m off to have a drink with an umbrella to rekindle the memory. I can’t wait to go to LA next month. Maybe I’ll surf again.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Sometimes love is just not enough.

Disclaimer - I’ll be using the term love a bit loosely throughout this entry because it is too hard to figure out a different word for it. Love will have to suffice for now.

This phrase has been ringing through my head for the last two weeks. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me but I have come to believe it is a very true statement. In particular in my life a frustratingly true statement. I always thought once I found a person I could love and who loved me in return that would be enough. That would be all the magic it would take. Guess what. As much as I love Harry Potter magic doesn’t exist here. There is no such thing as the magic pill to swallow to make everything in life easier. As Pastor Dudley said tonight at church, God is going to give us detours. My detour will hopefully not equate to forty years of wandering the desert but it has lead to a time in my life where I feel that sometimes love is just not enough. Maybe that is a reality everyone has to come to face eventually in life. Maybe I am a little slow to the table with this knowledge but why does it have to be true? Why can’t feeling for someone be “enough”? Didn’t the Judds say “love can build a bridge”? Corny I know but still – can’t it? Isn’t it enough to have the dream? Isn’t it enough to attempt to live life right? If not then what is? How much patience is a person expected to have? What is enough to deserve true happiness?

Mr. Airplane called me about two weeks ago. Out of the blue, the first time we have spoken in almost a year and a half. On a Tuesday. At 11:00 am. He really is the reason for starting and continuing this blog. I never really thought about that too much or allowed myself to put too much weight in that fact but when things ended with him I desperately needed an outlet for my feelings. I traveled around the country for a month after our breakup out of fear of sitting still and having to feel, well frankly, anything. Then, when I couldn’t run anymore, I started this blog. It has become my counselor. Hopefully, it has made some of you think and has served as some form of entertainment. I hope some of what I have said has challenged you.

Anyway, back to Mr. Airplane. So he called. Still as incapable as ever of being in a relationship with me, still as adorable as ever, still as able to control my feelings as ever and evidently thinking of me as fondly as I have continued to think about him, although I have admitted that fact to no one, not even myself. I don’t know what finally made him admit this to me. We have had spotty email correspondence really since the time of our breakup but it has never resulted in a phone call. Until two Tuesdays ago. At 11:00 am. And now I can’t think straight. Now the world feels a little bit different again. I care so much about him and he evidently me, but it isn’t enough. It isn’t enough to change circumstances. It isn’t enough to change reality. It isn’t enough to make him fight for me. It just flat isn’t enough.

And it isn’t fair.

Where is God’s plan in all of this? Ahhh – the problem I have. I don’t know if I believe in “God’s plan” anymore. I have a friend who has made some valid points about this lately. I have always rested in the fact that when a relationship ends God must have someone better out there for me. This friend though has argued somewhat convincingly that maybe it is our free will that has made us look past the someone better. I believe there is more than one person you could be happy with but now I fear that God isn’t truly in control of that. Now I fear my human shortcomings are what have led to my detour. My bad choices have brought me full circle to where yet again and again and again, love just isn’t enough. So how does one remain faithful to God when they lose the plan? How does a human suffering on earth make sacrifices for a God that loves them but won’t use his powers to control the “fates” in a way that can help avoid the detours? Why in the world does God have us set up camp with our backs to the sea while being pursued by a charging army? Why isn’t LOVE ENOUGH?

Maybe eventually it is. Maybe in the long run love wins. Maybe the Red Sea is divided and we walk through to safety. And maybe in all of this – all of this fear, all of this uncertainty, all of this sorrow – comes joy. Joy and victory.

I’m sorry, but there IS a plan. I don’t know how to explain why but Bud, but I think you’re wrong. Convincing but wrong. So, I’m setting up my four-season tent and getting out my fishing pole (which is still broken even after tinkering with it for a half hour tonight by the way Bud so will you look at it even though I disagree with your theory???) and hunkering down for the fight, knowing that God will eventually intercede. When it looks like the battle isn’t going to be won, he’ll step in and create the greatest miracle of them all and save me. And guess what – in that situation, a heavenly situation, love will be enough.

So where does that leave me and Mr. Airplane? It leaves us nowhere I suppose. It leaves me hoping for stars to shift and realities to change. It leaves me hoping for my feet to remain firmly on the ground and my heart devoted fully to the God that is going to step in on my behalf. It leaves me hoping eventually my world will right itself again so I can stop feeling like I might slip off the edge of it. It leaves me realizing that my life is full without him but that there will always be a space in my heart for him. It leaves me free to live my life and hope he will live his and that someday, if it is the plan, that the parting of the Red Sea will happen for us and we will be able to walk into one another’s arms. But! Only if that is the plan. And if it isn’t the plan that I will continue to be blessed with relationships and “someones” who are able to make me laugh and feel good and realize that I can love more than I know. There is a theory that everyone is better than everyone else at three things. Maybe one of my three things is the ability to love many people all with a full heart. This would be a wonderful gift to have. One I would love to extend to someone like Mr. Airplane but only if he is free to love me as fully in return.