Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Lessons Learned

OK OK OK – I know multiple people warned me about Carney and his age and his profession and the differences between us and in fact a guy I barely know told me to tread carefully and you were ALL RIGHT. Don’t think I didn’t hear you. My head heard you but my heart was a different matter. So after five+ months of trying to make the relationship work it ended last night. It’s funny because there is a HUGE part of me that is dealing with copious amounts of relief today. I slept like a baby (although I had dreams that he was very present in), I’ve barely cried (two tears total) and the list of things I didn’t like about the relationship has played time and again as I have dealt with giving myself necessary closure.

So, the question becomes what should I learn from the experience? It is a bit early in the process of the process to really know for sure but there are a few things I have taken away already. Here’s the list:

Any man that is in my life
1. Will call when he says he will
2. Will drive more than 50% of the time
3. Will be on time 90% of the time, especially for occasions where being on time is important
4. Will not be afraid of the types of physical and emotional connections that occur in a dating/romantic relationship (and if he is afraid he will find a way to push through the fear)
5. Will want to know my friends and be friends with my friends
6. Will have a calendar or will have some way of keeping track of commitments
7. Will want to spend time with me and will find ways to make that happen
8. Will love kids and my niece and nephew will adore him
9. Will be able to support himself financially and will be fiscally responsible (i.e. pay his cell bill on time so as not to get it cut off on occasion)
10. Will be driven professionally and personally
11. Will attend church with me on a regular basis
12. Will have hobbies that he wants to share and/or will have hobbies that we both have in common
13. Will challenge me to be a better person
14. Will support me and bring me peace in times of difficulty
15. Will be intelligent
16. Will expect me to be my best and will hold me accountable in times of failure in that
17. Will ignore the three-day rule (see earlier entries)
18. Will be a gentleman
19. Will be funny
20. Will not work for Amway

That is the list so far. Carney had many of these attributes but was also sorely lacking in some of them. I am sure others for the list will crop up here and there but for now, that is it. Well, I’m off to go drown my "sorrows" in the pool. I think endorphins will do me some good.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Bachelorette parties in your (almost) 30s

My dear friend Jill is getting married in less than two weeks, actually 12 days from now! Yippeee!!! I went to her bachelorette party last weekend. I had to miss dinner which evidently included an awesome transvestite (I always miss the good stuff) but joined them after at Tia Lou’s a dance club in Belltown in Seattle. It was a lot of fun. I love to dance even though I am terrible at it. It struck me though how different this bachelorette party was compared to a majority of the ones I went to even as recent as three years ago. There were some drinks and lots of laughs but none of the debauchery that used to ensue. The great thing though is that is was still a lot of fun.

I was thinking about it as I drove home that night/morning. I think the reality is that we are all so comfortable in ourselves now at our old ages (haha) that we don’t have the same feeling of insecurity about going into an exclusive relationship, in fact, I believe many of us would say having that stability and groundedness is welcome. We need someone or something to reign us in a little bit. So instead of thinking “QUICK – get it out, be crazy because the old ball and chain (yes – women think this too) is going to pull us down!” it has become a celebration of the fact that we have women friends in our lives who are still fun to go out and dance the night away with and they will continue to be there even when we have an old man at home to keep us company. It is sort of a relief actually. It’s better to know there is peace in relationships rather than confinement.

Congrats Jill and Lennie! I wish I could be there to celebrate with you the night of your wedding but know you will be in my prayers that day and I look forward to celebrating with you for the rest of your lives together! Love you both!