Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Harley riding God mother

On Saturday I was given two big thrills. The first one was that my friend (more like a brother) Nathan and his wife Juli asked Erin and I to be the God mothers to their new baby Seth. We of course jumped with joy and told them yes. He is the cutest little guy you’ve ever seen. I actually got to hold him at the hospital just minutes after he was born. He is the smallest baby I have ever held. I can’t wait to watch him grow up.

The second thrill was that I talked to Nate about his Harley. I’ve wanted a motorcycle for a while now but also want a wave runner so I have ended up getting neither because of my inability to decide which one to buy first. Anyway, Nate has a Harley that his Uncle gave him and we got to talking about the fact that I have almost stolen it from his parent’s garage a number of times. Well, it turns out Nathan doesn’t mind me using it whenever I want. It seems like being a dad has mellowed him out a little and I think Juli prefers that he doesn’t ride it. So this spring, I’m taking the class and Nate is going to get me all checked out on it. It isn’t quite the crotch rocket I’ve been dreaming of but it is close enough AND I don’t have to pay for it. Brian and Mike I hope you are ready for a new riding buddy because as soon as the weather is decent I’m hitting the road with you. I can’t wait!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

My wedding

Someday, if I ever get married, this is the type of thing that will happen. This couple has it figured out. Why take it so seriously? Hopefully my wedding will be this entertaining and enjoyable for me, my husband and everyone there.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Two Elves and A Chicken

Lately I have been attempting to find anything and everything funny and grab hold. Well today I had lunch with two elves and a chicken. OK OK not REALLY two elves and a chicken but sometime around 1:15 I got the giggles and couldn't stop. For no reason really. I do that sometimes, just get overwhelmed with joy and the goofiest thing cracks me up. So to all of you, this may seem ridiculous but to me it is hilarious. Here goes (this is TOTALLY going to be lost in translation so just go with me, have a laugh over nothing and thank me for the excuse): it started with two of the most adorable electricians coming to my house to fix something in my attic. They were very short, well not VERY short, I mean compared to me most people aren't REALLY short but they were short for men. They were short and they were happy and helpful. It is no easy feat to get into my attic. Trust me. I've tried it and I can't do it. My dad broke my closet getting into it at Thanksgiving but these guys were just so happy to be climbing up over my law books (which I kept suggesting I move but they didn't want to put me out) and fixing my light. Short, happy guys that made me think of elves. Come on, that makes you smile right? Then, I was playing with my cat Tessie and she kept sitting on every toy that we were playing with so I called her a chicken. Suddenly, I realized I spent my lunch with two adorable Elves and a furry chicken. I'm still giggling. I know it seems dumb but spend any time in my head and you will see the humor in that. Besides Erin thought it was funny so at least I know it isn't just me. Well, that is still sort of like it just being me seeing as Erin's boyfriend says when she and I are together it is basically like we are walking around with ourselves and not OURselves but ourselves. Get it? ("have fun walking around with yourself today") Translating these things to words is not working very well. Oh well. At least I for one am grinning over it.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Firing Squad

I’ve never had to fire someone. It’s a fact that I am happy about. In fact, until today I have never even had to fire a service provider. I don’t think I’ve ever had to “fire” a doctor or a dentist. They’ve either retired or I’ve moved and therefore had no choice but to move on to someone else. Well, today I had to give someone the axe. Thankfully, no one I work with, or who works for me rather. Helga still has her job. I didn’t ask Patty to remove herself from the premises but I did have to fire a person who had been doing some work for a client of mine and therefore me. Shoot, as I am writing this I am realizing they weren’t even really MY employee. I don’t know why I am feeling so bad about it. Maybe it is because in a sense I rejected her and I know the feeling of rejection too well and it is an open wound for me right now. Whatever the reason I’m feeling pretty lousy about it. She even asked me to explain the reason. That sucked. What can you tell her? Basically, I liked the other guy better and wanted to work with him instead. He has a better business model. I felt more comfortable in his presence. He cut me a deal. There is no conflict of interest. He talked to me at the right moment. He looked my client square in the eye and told her he would do his best for her. The list goes on. I guess that’s business. I’m aware of that. It’s only business. But I could still hear the disappointment in her voice and the frustration with me butting my nose in. It made me feel bad. I guess maybe I am not management material because I am too much of a softy. Or maybe while it would weigh on me that is what would make me good management material. I guess for now I don’t have to worry too much about that issue but I do have to look this lady in the eye and take all of my materials from her on Thursday. Shoot. What have I gotten myself into.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Computer Santa


The computer Santa (aka Patty) just stopped by my desk with a wireless mouse! I am SO excited. Now I won't have to fight with that stupid just a little bit too short cord anymore. Ahh simple pleasures.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Monday, November 26, 2007

Nostalgia

I got up way too early, especially for me, November 21st and because of that had some extra time in the morning. I eventually found myself in Edmonds going for an early morning run. It was a whopping 32 degrees so I put on my running cap and did my best to keep myself warm by pushing myself really to the limit. It was invigorating to watch the sunrise reflected off the water but it put me further into the funk that I have been fighting. A song came on my ipod that had a profound effect on me the night before so I set it on repeat and fell further into my reverie. Josh Kelley crooned to me about Cain and Able and by the end of my run I was both physically and emotionally exhausted.

I have to say that the last few months of my life have at times been joyful and all at once sorrowful. I feel at times that I have been in a constant state of mourning, shuffling through my day and enjoying the highlights while mourning the downtime. I reached a milestone in my life on November 8, 2007. I turned 30. I had an AMAZING birthday party and a wonderful trip to LA to visit Erin and Sarah and celebrate as well as a fun Birthday dinner and trip home to visit my family. I do a pretty good job compartmentalizing things so there have been multiple times when I have chosen to push any feelings of sadness aside and I have fully and completely enjoyed what has been going on. My party in the wine shop was so much fun. Honestly, I couldn’t have asked for a better 30th birthday. There will be more on that in a later posting.

My reverie on Wednesday morning was based on recollecting the past and more specifically good times in the past. I sometimes have some problems with that. I tend to glorify what happened before and fear that good things might not happen in the future. I wish I could change it but I guess to quote a friend “that’s how I roll”. I try not to worry about that fear. I know God is going to bless me in the future but sometimes I wish I could turn back time and then stop the clock. I guess that’s maybe what has me down right now. I was looking forward to so many things in the first three weeks of November and now they have all come and gone. All but one of them was greater than I ever could have imagined. Now what I was looking forward to so much will never happen again and I am not sure how to pull myself out of the funk that has put me in.

I might have had a lot of fun and created some wonderful memories, things I will never forget for the rest of my life, but I have also learned a lot about myself in the last few weeks. I’ve learned again that someone can find me irresistible. Carney made me forget that and made me self-conscious about many things. I still have some faith to build back in myself but I’ll get there. I’ve learned more about my ability to love. I’ve always known that I could love more than I thought and that was solidified in me again, and that’s ok. It’s scary but it is ok. I’ve learned that I still know how to laugh. I know how to giggle and enjoy life even when and despite feeling sadness. I’ve learned that I am a good attorney. I’ve learned that I can help my clients and some of my work is very worthwhile. I’ve learned my friends can clean up real nice. I’ve learned that I have so many people around me who love me even when and if they can’t express it because they can’t or they don’t know how. I’ve learned that sometimes you have to let go and sometimes letting go is the last thing you could possibly want. I’ve learned that letting go and losing control over something you want is scary and hurts but is also part of life and is something you can survive. I’ve learned that there are certain things you can only hope for and never have and that has to be ok too; even if you would do anything to change the reality. I’ve learned that God will listen to the prayers for those things and while he might not give you what you want right then he is listening but may still never give it to you. Or he may. Only time will really tell. I’ve also learned it’s ok to have hope for things and maybe even better things. I’ve learned there are people out there that I can be happy with. I’ve learned I can lead a band of middle-aged musicians and have fun doing it. I’ve learned when I’m nervous I get super ticklish. I’ve learned sometimes I wear goofy socks and the people who notice are people worth having in my life. I’ve learned people look up to me. I’ve learned you can’t get comfortable enough in jeans. I’ve learned bananas give me bad smelling burps. I’ve learned that it is possible for someone to bring sexy back, not me of course, but it is possible. I’ve learned some things are worth waking up at 5am for, well one thing anyway. I’ve learned layers have a place in this world if for no other reason than to bring a smile to someone’s face or cause necessary frustration. I’ve learned it is easy to forget the small things about a person but easy to be reminded and then not forget again. I’ve learned you should ask the insignificant but important questions of people you care for when you have the chance in case you lose that chance and forever are left with the questions. Questions like who is your hero, what are you most proud of in your life, what is your biggest regret and what is your favorite smell. I’ve learned that while I try to remain a strong woman in a “man’s world” I still get offended and bothered when men in that world speak to me in a disrespectful way. I’ve learned touch is something that can never be replaced nor forgotten. I’ve learned what it is like to feel safe with someone for no other reason but that you trust and love them. I’ve learned music can control me unquestionably. I’ve learned to laugh through tears. Finally, I’ve learned that in life there is going to be time gone by and in the memories of the things in time gone by it is ok to be made sad and wish for the people who were there to still be there, to wish you could control circumstances and to hold those people again even when it isn’t a possibility.

My run in Edmonds on Wednesday morning was heartbreaking and strengthening at the same time. If it had been forty degrees warmer it would have been perfect. I’m ok in this funk for a little longer. I know all it would take to pull me out but that isn’t gong to happen so I’m going to have to be ok here for a while. Eventually, the veil will lift from my eyes and I will be back to where I normally am and I will be happy to be there. Until then, I am going to continue learning and I am going to continue missing people and times from the past. That’s where I am right now and I have to be ok with that. If you want to send a prayer up for me that would be awesome but also, know that in this funk as I have said I am ok. Sometimes I think mourning is necessary. I have no regrets that I have wonderful memories of people and experiences in the past. I just wish I had a choice other than to let go.

Cain and Able – Josh Kelley
I'm sick of chasing after things, I'd rather them chase after me
Keeping up is bound to wear me down
There's a million ways to skin a cat, I've put my choices in a hat
Picked a few and threw the bad ones out

I know now

So if you want me you'd better knock me down
Cause I ain't easy and this ain't hallowed ground

I've been thinking about ol' Cain and Able, sitting at a breakfast table
Talking about the way things used to be
Well Able looked at Cain and said all that shit was in your head
I'd like to think that Cain was hard to please

I know now

So if you want me you'd better knock me down
Cause I ain't easy and this ain't hallowed ground

She said no one loves you more than me
I looked at her, she looked at me
I think she's waiting for me to believe
I wish that love was all it took
I'd fall into you if I could
Hoping for a graceful recovery

But I know now

So if you want me, you'd better knock me down
Cause I ain't easy oh, and this ain't hallowed ground

Friday, November 23, 2007

Nicknames

I love nicknames. I don’t know if people figure that out about me and that is why I have so many or what, but I love it. If you call me a nickname or a pet name you are forever forged in my heart. KT is a common one. Bud calls me Lou. Erin calls me anything from the antichrist to Larry Louise McSchmigenschmoogen to Pet Monkey. My mom calls me something that I don't repeat for fear of it catching on. In college many people called me klthomps because of my email address or KL which still surfaces now and again. A couple days ago I was called baby a number of times. That’s my new favorite. Now I can’t get it out of my head.

I hope everyone had a blessed and love filled Thanksgiving full of traditions, new and old as well as love in whatever form that takes for you. Maybe you were fulfilled by a simple nickname. Maybe you were just filled. Either way, I hope you were all happy and safe.

Monday, November 19, 2007

God is bigger

Just when you are frustrated in life it always seems just the right thing happens. Does that make sense? I'm glad God can see our needs and fulfill them when and if necessary. Do you have any personal experiences with that? I'd love to hear about them.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

The big 3-0

Turn 30 - check.
Find a grey hair - check.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Summer 2007 (Part 3) Competitive Sporting Events


Generally there is a least one entry about a summer competitive sporting event that takes place every year – Hoopfest – but that entry didn’t happen this year for some reason. There were four significant events this summer so I’ll just combine the four of them in one entry here.

1. Laureen Miller Memorial Bike Ride - This is the most fun organized bike ride I have ever done. This sentiment has led me to participate in it three times now. One year it poured rain, this year it was over 100 degrees, but yet still my favorite. Weird. It benefits an amazing Cancer support organization in Spokane which makes it pretty easy for me to want to participate. My sister, her friend Faye and I decided to do the half century ride (50 miles) this year which is a beautiful ride. Faye made it about half way before turning around but Jess and I managed to finish the route despite the stifling heat. I’m looking forward to next year when it will hopefully just be Jess and I and we can push through earlier in the day and finish with a good time for once. I think I could easily do the ride in two and half to two hours and forty five minutes if I was on my own but I keep getting held up. It is much more fun to have another person with you but my competitive spirit has a hard time with that sometimes. Anyway, it was a great start to the “season” and I’m looking forward to doing it again next year. Jess found another ride she really likes later in the season so hopefully I’ll give that one a try next year too.

2. Hoopfest – Tim, Erin, Pete and I made up the team again this year. Our team name was The Hack Pack – that’s decent and I didn’t get in trouble for picking “Keith and Kelly’s Team”. All in all it was a great weekend. We ran into some big players (one guy’s shirt said “I hope you like animals because I am a beast” hahaha) which made it hard and unfortunately failed to win any games which was pathetic but I think we all had a good time. A new addition this year was that my nephew Keith played on a team. It was a lot of fun to have a group of little guys to cheer on when we weren’t playing. They did really well although they lost two games on Saturday so didn’t get to play on Sunday which is always disappointing. At least with our two losses and no wins on Saturday we got to play Sunday morning. That makes it feel more like a tournament. It was great to have Erin and Daniel up from LA. Next year I think Daniel is planning on bringing up a group of ringers from Huntington Beach. I’m definitely looking forward to that.

3. Ragnar – This was a new event for me this year. I don’t know what made me think it was something I could or wanted to do but I saw it in a running magazine and decided to see if I could get a team together for it. Basically, you get together a team of 12 runners and three volunteers (although it turns out you really do need more than that, but now we know) and you run 190 miles in approximately 30 hours. I wish I could even begin to describe what that experience was like. First of all you spend the time in a van with 6 of your teammates with no sleep and no showers and each of you running a minimum of a half marathon over that time period which is enough to make any experience memorable. I lost two toenails and could hardly walk at the end because of a knee injury. I am pretty sure most people ended up with at least one blister. Each team member runs three legs of the race and the race goes all through the night. It’s pretty amazing actually. Looking back on it I can’t believe I did it. I’m really not a runner. It is all I can do to make myself go three miles so when I was training and going out on a Saturday to run 10 miles for “fun” I was pretty amazed at myself. The team did great. We finished which was my goal. Katie had to use her nursing skills on someone but thankfully he wasn’t on our team. We made some great friends for the weekend and while at first I was hesitant to commit to doing it again in 2008 I am starting to get a little bit excited for it now. We are going to need some new team members because I know a number of people won’t be up for it again but if we can make the team happen then I think I am in. Maybe.

4. Triathlon – I decided to only do one triathlon this summer because of Ragnar and it turned out to be a good one. I don’t know if it was because of all the training I did for Ragnar or what but I finished second which is the best I have ever done. I don’t think I will be doing anymore Tris unless it is in a relay but I would maybe like to do the bike portion of an Olympic or half Ironman at some point so maybe that is the way I can continue with them. Every year at the end of the season I say it is the last one for me and I always find myself doing one more anyway, so who knows what will happen in 2008 but I feel pretty good that I was able to finish within the medals and I would hate to lose that high by going one more and not doing as well. I am still yet to break the hour and a half mark so maybe I can make that my goal for 2008 and have a reason to try one more time. I’ll see how my old joints are feeling next year. It would only be a matter of shaving off about two minutes. I can do that right?

It was a pretty momentous summer as far as those types of activities were concerned. I continue to amaze myself at what I have the “desire” and “ability” to do. I have an inkling about doing a half marathon that lasts for about 2 seconds before I do a reality check about my hate (literally hate) of running. Eventually I am going to have to find something else to challenge me. I might have come up with an idea but I need to go find a competition to watch before I decide and if I write it down then I feel obligated to do it so you’ll have to wait to see what’s in store there. Maybe I’ll become a professional award winning angler.

Well, my recap of Summer 2007 is almost over. I have one more weekend to write about and then I can put it to rest.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Respect

The way our office space is configured is slightly ridiculous. I can hear everything the two attorneys next to me say if their doors are open. At times I can hear TKO across the office from me. Part of it is my good hearing, part of it is rude loud talking and part of it is just acoustics. It is about 5:30 pm right now and this is generally my quiet time in the office. I am usually the last person here at night and I love that. I don’t bother to come in early because I wouldn’t get any work done at that time of day – I would sit in front of my computer and sleep – and besides MP and SLF are here and I have more desire to have my fingernails pulled out one by one than I do to be trapped in the office with just SLF and MP. Tonight they both just made their exit – cutting about a half hour into my quiet and productive time. SLF made a rude comment to me as he left thinking it was funny but it was mostly just plain rude and basically ruined any chance I had of having a productive final hour because I am stewing.

Anyway, a few minutes ago I heard SLF talking to his wife on the phone. His wife is wonderful. I have met her a number of times and I really like her. She is hang loose in an uptight way and has a great laugh. She is an odd combination but makes a person feel very comfortable and welcome. More times than not when SLF talks to her it is with little or no respect. Today he was clearly annoyed that she had called and asked him to do something, either come home for an activity with their kids or maybe pick something up on the way home. I couldn’t hear her side of the conversation and couldn’t figure out exactly what was going on but the tone he used with her was unbelievably rude and belittling. I know that tone well because he tends to use it with me quite often. It is one thing to talk to your underling that way and a complete other to talk to your spouse like that. He informed her he wouldn’t be home for a while because he had a couple of phone calls to make and then he went out for drinks with MP. I’m telling you, my dad would have NEVER done that. My dad also is never disrespectful to my mom the way SLF is to his wife. If I am blessed with the opportunity to be married someday my prayer is it is a relationship full of respect for one another; respect and the desire to hurry home to spend time together. I think we all deserve that.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

How old is too old?

In the past three days I have been set up on blind dates with a 45 year old and a 42 year old. Beeing 29, having just come out of a relationship with a 22 year old I am wondering is that too old?

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Summer 2007 (Part 2) The List




I have a list of approximately 100 things to do before I die. I heard it called a “bucket list” at the movies on Saturday; you know things to do before you kick the bucket. Some of the things I have checked off the list have been surprising – sing at Carnegie Hall, meet the President of the United States, “hang out” with the Mariners, etc – some not as surprising – own a home, pass the bar exam, graduate from Law School, etc. This summer I was able to check off another surprising one. I sang the national anthem at a professional baseball game. OK, maybe it was just the minor leagues but it counts and who knows, next time it might be Safeco Field. Fifteen of my nearest and dearest came to support me, including my mom and nephew Keith from Spokane. Adrienne, Keith and Carney all accompanied me on the field. The picture of Keith is of him looking up at Carney before I sang (can you tell the guy is 6 foot 5?). Keith and my niece Kelly loved Carney. In fact, Kelly asked him to move in with her. It is possible he cared more for them than he did for me but who can blame him? But I digress. It was an awesome experience. I hope to do it again next season. I wonder what other “impossible” feats I will tackle next.

Friday, October 12, 2007

2nd Thursday Night Family Dinner







It is way too late on a Thursday night for me to be sitting down to write a blog but I am totally amped up from the evening and need a moment to let my brain get it all out and my body to slow down for half a second. I guess Tessie feels the same way because she just attacked me. We both could use some downtime.

A little over a year ago, I think September 2006, I decided I wanted to start a monthly dinner party at my place. I had wanted to start one for some time. This is actually another product of my break up with Mr. Airplane. I wanted to do something for other people. I wanted to feel like I had a community and not just a community that met on Tuesday nights to fellowship and learn about the Bible but a community in my home. When I moved to my house in November 2006 I felt extremely guilty because of its size. There was no need for Ella and I to have as much space as we have here. The way I justified the space was that I promised myself I would find a way to share it with as many people as possible. 2nd Thursday night dinner is one of the ways that I have done that.

As you can see from the pictures there is a group of about 15 of us who have become regulars at my house. It ebbs and flows a little. I think tonight we were missing one person who is here a lot and had one newbie which I am thankful for. We always drink an amazing amount of wine and beer and my dinner is notorious for having SOMETHING wrong – at least in my head – whether it be late (like tonight’s macaroni and cheese – sorry guys) or a little runny or spicy or whatever but all in all I would say I am a decent cook and I really enjoy preparing a meal for some of the people I love the most in the world. These people have truly become my family away from my family.

I was thinking tonight as I was cleaning the kitchen after everyone and their dogs left about how one of the things I want to do most in the world is make people happy. I am not generally a people pleaser. I don’t bend over and take it. I don’t agree just to appease people but if I can find a way to make someone I love happy I am happy. I think that is what 2nd Thursday Night dinner is for me. That’s what I get out of it. A chance to hopefully help people finish out their week a little bit happier than it would have been if not for the opportunity to get together, hang out, play silly games, get prayed for by Daddy Aaron or Uncle Jon and hopefully eat a good meal.

So – to my 2nd Thursday Night Family – Peter, Laura, John Mabbott, Pete, Erica, Adrienne, Sam, Kim, Rachel, Wendy, Aaron, Heidi, Suzannah, Brian, Brandon, Ruthie and Mack (and those of you who weren’t here tonight) – thanks for letting me love on you one night a month, for your patience in my silly games and my sometimes late or hot or salty or runny food, for letting me practice my cooking “skills” on you every month and basically for loving me in return. Next month who knows what culinary treats await. I turn 30 on the second Thursday in November. I guess that calls for a little something extra special and I can’t think of a crew I would rather spend the evening with.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Summer 2007 (Part 1)
















I realized the other day that there were some significant things that took place this past summer that I never memorialized in my blog. This information is a bit outdated but will serve me well in the future when I look back and want to remember what had been going on.

#1 Hawaii
Erica, Adrienne and I decided that we are all turning 30 this year and it was the perfect excuse to go on a trip together. I’m not sure what excuse I will be making for a trip to Belize next year but I am sure I can come up with something. The last week of May the three of us packed our bikinis and went. Erin’s aunt and uncle have a house on Maui that they said we could use any time so I took advantage and we had a free place to stay. It MIGHT have the nickname the shack for a reason but shoot, the price was right. We arrived in the evening on Monday May 21st and only had time really to get some food at Costco, find the house and then go out to dinner. I had never been to Hawaii and was SO excited to get there that I could hardly see straight. I LOVE the hot weather and had never been on a tropical vacation where I could just sit on the ocean shore all day and drink umbrella drinks. The first day we went to the West shore and spent the day in the sun. Unfortunately, my body decided to reject the idea of a relaxing vacation and I ended up throwing up on the beach, and in a parking lot on the way home, and on the side of the road and just outside our house. 24 hours later I was back to myself again – after at one point telling Adrienne and Erica to take me to the hospital because I thought I was dying – and it is a good story to tell. Best of all a good looking local (at least he was in my puke infested brain) gave me a mango to make my stomach feel better and I created a great memory for them of their memorial day picnic. Sorry about that.

I’m not entirely sure what A and E did the day I was sick, I think it entailed the beach and a little shopping but they could fill you in on the details. So, the third day I was back on my feet and we decided to drive the road to Hana. I suggested I drive as my stomach was still a bit queasy and I figured driving would be better than riding and man am I glad I did! I love to drive and I tell you that road was a lot of fun – even in a rented Grand Am. If only I had a motorcycle. I probably would have killed myself. On the Road to Hana we saw waterfalls, the Garden of Eden, Black Rock Beach and the Seven Sacred Pools to name a few. Words can’t begin to describe how beautiful that is. I can see why people go there on their honeymoons. It was amazing. Someday I would love to go back and stay in Hana or camp at Black Rock Beach.

The days we did things are starting to blur a little (I should have written this sooner) and I don’t want to bore you so the general remainder of the time was spent doing a lot of wonderful things and some serious relaxing. I got to surf which is SO much easier in Hawaii than in California! The break is so much further out and surfing in only a rash guard instead of a full wetsuit is 100 times better. We went on a kayaking/snorkel trip where we swam with the huge and amazing turtles and I enjoyed flirting with the guide. We spent a lot more time on the beach playing in the waves, body surfing and swimming. We went to an amazing luau and spent a night dolled up and out on the town. A and I went and saw the most amazing sunrise on top of the crater and I know there were more major adventures. Maybe A and E can remind me, or I should look at my pictures – a few of which are posted here. (HAHA - the pics just reminded me of Geisha face A!) Anyway, it was an amazing time. I didn’t want to leave. I haven’t ever put my watch back on so I claim to now live 100 percent of the time on island time and I am just fine with that fact.

Well, I’ll get to the remainder of the summer in the next entry. For now I’m off to have a drink with an umbrella to rekindle the memory. I can’t wait to go to LA next month. Maybe I’ll surf again.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Sometimes love is just not enough.

*********
Disclaimer - I’ll be using the term love a bit loosely throughout this entry because it is too hard to figure out a different word for it. Love will have to suffice for now.
*********

This phrase has been ringing through my head for the last two weeks. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me but I have come to believe it is a very true statement. In particular in my life a frustratingly true statement. I always thought once I found a person I could love and who loved me in return that would be enough. That would be all the magic it would take. Guess what. As much as I love Harry Potter magic doesn’t exist here. There is no such thing as the magic pill to swallow to make everything in life easier. As Pastor Dudley said tonight at church, God is going to give us detours. My detour will hopefully not equate to forty years of wandering the desert but it has lead to a time in my life where I feel that sometimes love is just not enough. Maybe that is a reality everyone has to come to face eventually in life. Maybe I am a little slow to the table with this knowledge but why does it have to be true? Why can’t feeling for someone be “enough”? Didn’t the Judds say “love can build a bridge”? Corny I know but still – can’t it? Isn’t it enough to have the dream? Isn’t it enough to attempt to live life right? If not then what is? How much patience is a person expected to have? What is enough to deserve true happiness?

Mr. Airplane called me about two weeks ago. Out of the blue, the first time we have spoken in almost a year and a half. On a Tuesday. At 11:00 am. He really is the reason for starting and continuing this blog. I never really thought about that too much or allowed myself to put too much weight in that fact but when things ended with him I desperately needed an outlet for my feelings. I traveled around the country for a month after our breakup out of fear of sitting still and having to feel, well frankly, anything. Then, when I couldn’t run anymore, I started this blog. It has become my counselor. Hopefully, it has made some of you think and has served as some form of entertainment. I hope some of what I have said has challenged you.

Anyway, back to Mr. Airplane. So he called. Still as incapable as ever of being in a relationship with me, still as adorable as ever, still as able to control my feelings as ever and evidently thinking of me as fondly as I have continued to think about him, although I have admitted that fact to no one, not even myself. I don’t know what finally made him admit this to me. We have had spotty email correspondence really since the time of our breakup but it has never resulted in a phone call. Until two Tuesdays ago. At 11:00 am. And now I can’t think straight. Now the world feels a little bit different again. I care so much about him and he evidently me, but it isn’t enough. It isn’t enough to change circumstances. It isn’t enough to change reality. It isn’t enough to make him fight for me. It just flat isn’t enough.

And it isn’t fair.

Where is God’s plan in all of this? Ahhh – the problem I have. I don’t know if I believe in “God’s plan” anymore. I have a friend who has made some valid points about this lately. I have always rested in the fact that when a relationship ends God must have someone better out there for me. This friend though has argued somewhat convincingly that maybe it is our free will that has made us look past the someone better. I believe there is more than one person you could be happy with but now I fear that God isn’t truly in control of that. Now I fear my human shortcomings are what have led to my detour. My bad choices have brought me full circle to where yet again and again and again, love just isn’t enough. So how does one remain faithful to God when they lose the plan? How does a human suffering on earth make sacrifices for a God that loves them but won’t use his powers to control the “fates” in a way that can help avoid the detours? Why in the world does God have us set up camp with our backs to the sea while being pursued by a charging army? Why isn’t LOVE ENOUGH?

Maybe eventually it is. Maybe in the long run love wins. Maybe the Red Sea is divided and we walk through to safety. And maybe in all of this – all of this fear, all of this uncertainty, all of this sorrow – comes joy. Joy and victory.

I’m sorry, but there IS a plan. I don’t know how to explain why but Bud, but I think you’re wrong. Convincing but wrong. So, I’m setting up my four-season tent and getting out my fishing pole (which is still broken even after tinkering with it for a half hour tonight by the way Bud so will you look at it even though I disagree with your theory???) and hunkering down for the fight, knowing that God will eventually intercede. When it looks like the battle isn’t going to be won, he’ll step in and create the greatest miracle of them all and save me. And guess what – in that situation, a heavenly situation, love will be enough.

So where does that leave me and Mr. Airplane? It leaves us nowhere I suppose. It leaves me hoping for stars to shift and realities to change. It leaves me hoping for my feet to remain firmly on the ground and my heart devoted fully to the God that is going to step in on my behalf. It leaves me hoping eventually my world will right itself again so I can stop feeling like I might slip off the edge of it. It leaves me realizing that my life is full without him but that there will always be a space in my heart for him. It leaves me free to live my life and hope he will live his and that someday, if it is the plan, that the parting of the Red Sea will happen for us and we will be able to walk into one another’s arms. But! Only if that is the plan. And if it isn’t the plan that I will continue to be blessed with relationships and “someones” who are able to make me laugh and feel good and realize that I can love more than I know. There is a theory that everyone is better than everyone else at three things. Maybe one of my three things is the ability to love many people all with a full heart. This would be a wonderful gift to have. One I would love to extend to someone like Mr. Airplane but only if he is free to love me as fully in return.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

The word is hope, yup, I’m going with hope

I went to the Mariner’s game last night with my friend Jill. A couple of other friends, Pete and Mark, happened to be at the game as well and we ran into Mark on the way into the stadium. With the season winding down and no one believing in any type of playoff hopes the stadium was fairly empty so Jill and I eventually sat with the boys. It was the closest I have ever gotten to the Diamond Club (a dream of mine) and fun to sit with some other baseball fanatics for the game. Jill likes the game but isn’t quite full of the knowledge that someone who follows it like a religion has. I like going to games with people like that because you get to have good conversation and catch up, like Jill and I did, as well as enjoy the game. It was a great game with a bad outcome but it is always fun to go into extra innings, more fun when you end up on the winning side of the score but whatever, I was happy.

The thing that hit me this morning as I was thinking back on the evening was the conversation that happened between Mark, Pete and I. Some of it centered around the playoff hopes of the team and the mathematical possibilities of “staying in it”. The reality of last night was that if the Yankees (erg) won one more game or if the Mariners lost one more game mathematically the Mariners wouldn’t be able to catch up. When the Yankees lost in extra innings and Beltre tied it up with a two run homer in the ninth we all started to kind of think about the possibilities. What if there was a three way tie for the wild card spot? (Detroit is still contending there) How would that look? Head to head? No one really knew but it was interesting to speculate.

What hit me this morning was that there were seven games left in the season, the Yankees had to lose ALL six of their games (Mariners are playing a double header today so they have an extra game to play), and a slumping since August 24th Mariner’s team had to win all seven of their remaining games to stay in it and we all talked about it as though it was a possibility. Talk about HOPE. Talk about stupidity.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Old/Bad Habits Die Hard

Have you ever heard it told that nothing good ever happens after midnight? I had a moment last night when I was doing something I really shouldn’t have been at 12:15 a.m. I found myself thinking, what ARE you doing? Nothing good can come from what you are doing right now and while I am not going to admit to anyone what exactly that something was I was right – nothing good came from it. I know you will all be tempted to jump to the worst conclusions possible and there is nothing untoward that occurred, nothing that will leave lasting scars, nothing I would be ashamed to admit or that would send me to confession but something I am embarrassed I did. I’ll leave what happened to your imagination as you read the remainder of this blog entry.

I am blessed with a huge number of friends. I have probably mentioned that somewhere on here before. It tends to be the thing I am most content with in my life. One of the things I have done perhaps better than some people (although I'm not sure “better” is actually the word for it) is to remain in contact with men I have been in dating relationships with. I haven’t dated a ton which makes it somewhat easier but over the years my friendships which developed either before or during the “romantic” (said in quotes because some failed miserably in that regard) parts of the relationships have strangely stayed in tact. I am in very loose contact with my high school boyfriend; have about quarterly contact with my first love and fairly regular contact with some of my most recent beaus.

Lately though I’ve gotten almost more frustrated with those relationships as friendships than I was with them when we were dating. The frustration comes from seeing people’s potential and then continuing to watch them flounder and fail. What is that? Why is it that people can’t quite live up to their full potential that seems so obvious to people around them but evidently seems out of reach to them?

I talked to a friend of mine about it today because it has just been weighing on my heart since last night after midnight (I know it is eating away at all of you to know what I did and I love that. haha). Well, first I did some research to see if psychologists have come to any conclusions and THEN I turned to Pete for some answers as I often do. The research I read in Psychology Today told me that the “nature” vs. “nurture” argument is dead. The studies evidently show that what children’s parents do have little to no effect on the outcome of their personalities and productivity. Basically his studies, which he did to try to disprove the earlier studies by the way, showed that our personalities are 99% genetic. So being a productive member of society and succeeding at what you do is genetic and out of our control!? This brings me back to the predestination argument which I have been struggling with for the last month.

Hmmmm – Pete doesn’t buy it. Pete’s knee jerk reaction to my question was the reason people fail to meet their full potential is because of fear and procrastination. Well, those are the reasons he sees for himself – very funny. He also said “some people are so afraid that they don't set goals because they don't want to not be able to achieve them.” That was a point I could understand. It is sort of like me and running. I HATE to run but I do it anyway. People have asked me why I would continue to torture myself by doing something I hate and the only reason I can give them is that sometimes the things we hate the most are the things that are most important for us to do. But I set myself goals that are hard and uncomfortable to attempt to make myself a better person. I know that isn’t a mindset that is inherent or set in stone in many people’s minds. It still doesn’t really explain why though.

I guess there isn’t really an answer, as is the case with many of the questions that I pose in this stupid blog. It seems that is sort of the norm for me – having too many questions with no answers. I guess all I can do is pray for the boys in my life; that they find purpose and learn to challenge themselves and not allow the fear of failure or whatever it is, comfort maybe, paralyze them and make them less than the men I know God intended them to be.

Well, I’m off on a run. Anyone care to join me?

My new toy - Lucy Lou


Some of you haven't been able to get out to see my new car. I can't believe it has been 6 months already. I still walk up to her and think man - this is mine! Anyway, for those of you who haven't seen her yet here's a picture for you. Come for a test ride anytime!!!

Monday, August 27, 2007

Jeans in church!?!

Casual church has become more and more of the norm. Most churches in today’s world have at least one “contemporary” service where people can come as they are, holey jeans and all. This is something my Grandma Johnson would have never stood for. She always looked her Sunday best even if it was in her blue slacks. Her hair was always nicely done and even as the wife of a farmer I am sure she was sure to be clean.

I was considering the trend of being more casual at church at Bible study a few weeks ago. We were talking about how Jesus entered the tabernacle and overturned the tables because people had lost sight of what was supposed to be going on there. Instead they were paying money for sacrifices and if I remember right (my Bible is not right in front of me) even having sex at the church. This inflamed Jesus. He did not want people to only follow the law because it was the law; instead he wanted them to follow the spirit of the law. He wanted their hearts as well as their actions. I suppose this concept of making sure your heart is in the right place is where the “come as you are” movement comes from. Basically, what the church is saying is as long as your heart is there, your attire does not matter.

I definitely see the point as well as the value (there is not a contest to outshine the person next to you) but I wonder – have we gone too far?

The day after our study I was in court and I looked at myself. Guess what. I was dressed far nicer than I have been at church for sometime. Guess what else. I talked more reverently to the judge than I have to God for sometime. Guess what else (times 2). I was ashamed of myself.

Here was a human being that I was showing more respect than I have to God for a heck of a long time. I have come to think of God as my buddy. Someone who I can chum around with for part of the day and while I think that is not necessarily bad, I do think it is wrong. God is GOD. He deserves some amount of fear and reverence. That is sorely missing in my faith life. Man, the God of the Old Testament would have scared the crap out of me. I guarantee I would have given him respect whether he asked for it or not because I would not want to give him any reason to express his displeasure. I would not have questioned his plan (although as a human I probably would have ignored it on occasion and had to travel in the dessert for a mere lifetime) and I definitely would not try to talk him into MY plan as THE plan.

I do not really know what to do with this realization but it has given me pause. I guess the big thing is I have become more grateful for the relationship Jesus’ death has allowed me to have with my creator. I think I have spent more time listening and less time arguing lately (to God, not necessarily to humans – to make that clear before people try to correct me) and you know it might be a while before I show up at church unshowered and in jeans again. I guess other than that I am not entirely sure what I can do but I guess it is a start.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Lessons Learned

OK OK OK – I know multiple people warned me about Carney and his age and his profession and the differences between us and in fact a guy I barely know told me to tread carefully and you were ALL RIGHT. Don’t think I didn’t hear you. My head heard you but my heart was a different matter. So after five+ months of trying to make the relationship work it ended last night. It’s funny because there is a HUGE part of me that is dealing with copious amounts of relief today. I slept like a baby (although I had dreams that he was very present in), I’ve barely cried (two tears total) and the list of things I didn’t like about the relationship has played time and again as I have dealt with giving myself necessary closure.

So, the question becomes what should I learn from the experience? It is a bit early in the process of the process to really know for sure but there are a few things I have taken away already. Here’s the list:

Any man that is in my life
1. Will call when he says he will
2. Will drive more than 50% of the time
3. Will be on time 90% of the time, especially for occasions where being on time is important
4. Will not be afraid of the types of physical and emotional connections that occur in a dating/romantic relationship (and if he is afraid he will find a way to push through the fear)
5. Will want to know my friends and be friends with my friends
6. Will have a calendar or will have some way of keeping track of commitments
7. Will want to spend time with me and will find ways to make that happen
8. Will love kids and my niece and nephew will adore him
9. Will be able to support himself financially and will be fiscally responsible (i.e. pay his cell bill on time so as not to get it cut off on occasion)
10. Will be driven professionally and personally
11. Will attend church with me on a regular basis
12. Will have hobbies that he wants to share and/or will have hobbies that we both have in common
13. Will challenge me to be a better person
14. Will support me and bring me peace in times of difficulty
15. Will be intelligent
16. Will expect me to be my best and will hold me accountable in times of failure in that
17. Will ignore the three-day rule (see earlier entries)
18. Will be a gentleman
19. Will be funny
20. Will not work for Amway

That is the list so far. Carney had many of these attributes but was also sorely lacking in some of them. I am sure others for the list will crop up here and there but for now, that is it. Well, I’m off to go drown my "sorrows" in the pool. I think endorphins will do me some good.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Bachelorette parties in your (almost) 30s

My dear friend Jill is getting married in less than two weeks, actually 12 days from now! Yippeee!!! I went to her bachelorette party last weekend. I had to miss dinner which evidently included an awesome transvestite (I always miss the good stuff) but joined them after at Tia Lou’s a dance club in Belltown in Seattle. It was a lot of fun. I love to dance even though I am terrible at it. It struck me though how different this bachelorette party was compared to a majority of the ones I went to even as recent as three years ago. There were some drinks and lots of laughs but none of the debauchery that used to ensue. The great thing though is that is was still a lot of fun.

I was thinking about it as I drove home that night/morning. I think the reality is that we are all so comfortable in ourselves now at our old ages (haha) that we don’t have the same feeling of insecurity about going into an exclusive relationship, in fact, I believe many of us would say having that stability and groundedness is welcome. We need someone or something to reign us in a little bit. So instead of thinking “QUICK – get it out, be crazy because the old ball and chain (yes – women think this too) is going to pull us down!” it has become a celebration of the fact that we have women friends in our lives who are still fun to go out and dance the night away with and they will continue to be there even when we have an old man at home to keep us company. It is sort of a relief actually. It’s better to know there is peace in relationships rather than confinement.

Congrats Jill and Lennie! I wish I could be there to celebrate with you the night of your wedding but know you will be in my prayers that day and I look forward to celebrating with you for the rest of your lives together! Love you both!

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Balance – or rather teetering on the edge

So I have been dating Carney now for about three months and things have been really good until this past week, week and a half. As many of you know, he is in the military and had to spend some of the three months we have been together elsewhere which was really hard at first. We made it work and actually used that time to get to know one another better on the phone. When he came home it was wonderful and then he would leave again. It sort of worked for me because frankly my life is crazy. It was easy to find time for phone calls and while I missed him and wanted him home I didn’t have to change my life around.

Well, we have been in the same city now since last Tuesday and I haven’t seen him. At first I understood, he was busy, I was busy and I figured we would get things together but as the end of the week rolled around I figured out that wasn’t going to happen and I started to get insecure. So on Tuesday we had a conversation about priorities and what exactly our relationship is. Carney is trying to start a business outside of the military that he hopes will give him financial security in the years to come. While I am dubious of this proposition I have told myself to support him in it and if he can make it work that’s great, if he can’t at least I will have been there for him.

However, I have discovered that the support of this business is beginning to be to my detriment. In other words, he is required to spend so much time outside of his regular working hours that I am being neglected – or abandoned is actually how I am feeling. What good is having a boyfriend (and evidently after Tuesday’s conversation I can safely call him that, although it took me a while to get there) if I still have to go to “date functions” on my own? What good is it if I am feeling lonely when I should have him to fill those voids when necessary? But yet I understand this relationship stuff takes work and patience. I am however, afraid he will throw in the towel to early because it is too much work to make it work; to get the priorities in line so everything gets taken care of and I stop being neglected. I posed the question to him on Tuesday of “am I important enough”? He claims that isn’t a fair question but really isn’t that what it comes down to? Am I, is our relationship, important enough that at times you will say no to the business or other things to put “us” first?

I know I haven’t been as good about that as I should have been the past week but I have done what I can to change that at this point. I am now making decisions about what I am doing in the evenings based on having a few days available for us to spend an evening together. But what good does my saying no do if he isn’t doing the same? I suppose it does some good because I tend to be over scheduled and slowing down for ten minutes isn’t the end of the world – in fact it is probably good for me. But it takes two to tango. So I am not sure how long I wait. How long do I sit with stones in my heart as I worry about losing him? I don’t want to lose him. I care a ton about him and he knows that under no uncertain terms, but I also deserve to be cherished above anything else – including business endeavors. I have things in my life that are hard to give up, such as baseball, working out (well maybe that isn’t too hard to give up), spending time with friends, church and other boards, etc. that I am on but those things don’t take all of my spare time. And to be perfectly honest if it meant spending time with someone I love I am probably going to choose the person I love rather than the board meeting, I am probably going to choose to spend time with a person I am committed to rather than go into work on a Saturday. Is that because I am female? Is that because one of my primary “love languages” is quality time? So what was the answer? How long do I wait? How long do I pray for God to help him make the time for me? How long does it take someone to juggle priorities? This relationship has been so easy in so many ways and now all of a sudden I feel swept up in uncertainty. So, for those of you who are married – any sage advice? What do I do? I got some great advice from Shean this morning and I am resting confident in what he said but I know tomorrow will be a different story and I won’t hear from Carney tonight because he has military work to do. How do you make it work? What is the secret to a sucessful relationship?

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

7 Crows in 1 Tree

Being an avid baseball fan I tend to fall onto the superstitious side of things. I try to remain rational but sometimes, especially during play offs, I get a bit freaky. I am pretty quiet about it. In fact, most people probably have no idea just how superstitious I am, but it’s there in ways you wouldn’t expect.

I now officially have a new superstition. After an interesting encounter yesterday, if you see 7 crows in a tree you should be very careful when dealing with straws. In fact, you may want to find a way to remove all straws from your presence. Otherwise it is quite likely disaster will ensue. Just a word to the wise.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Eleanor DanWilson Thompson (Ella) May 15, 2001 – April 11, 2007


I have been putting off writing this blog knowing it wouldn’t be easy. I think I can finally do it but it will have to be short so I can keep myself together. On April 11, 2007, Ella, as most of you would have known her, had to be put to sleep. She fought her poor kidney health for a long time and was such a wonderful companion. I still miss her everyday. Who could forget her antics: her “porn position”, obnoxious inability to be held, craziness (I don’t think she ever “grew out” of being a kitten) and her strange ability to either look like a giant burrito or Jabba the Hut? There will never be another cat like her that is for sure.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Ugh

I don’t understand exactly why but some weeks just come at you from all sides. This week has been one of those. It is only Wednesday and I think there have been about 5 things at work that have made me want to just say enough is enough – I am joining the circus. I have always wanted to be part of a trapeze act.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Are you or someone you know getting married soon?

If you are or know someone who is getting married soon check out this site: http://www.loveletterslogos.com/index.html

It is my friends Kristin and Travis' company and their product is awesome! Definitely something worth looking into. I have added a link to their website in my links also. DON'T MISS OUT!!!

Poor Ella


She is a sick lady again. Kept me up all night. Hopefully Uncle Kit can fix her up again.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Three-day rule cont.

I am not alone in my annoyance by the three-day rule. This is a great blog entry by a guy in NYC and a response from a female reader. I think it is interesting to hear this from a male perspective. His blog address is http://www.derekrose.com/wp/. I figure I should at least plug his blog if I am using his entry on mine. It would be easier to just figure out how to put links in my blog entries but I don’t have the patience to figure that out right this second. I’ll get better at this as time goes on.


A defense of gamesmanship and stuff like that

This post of Bex’s got me thinking … a lot of girls I know say they hate it when guys “play games” and abide by things like the three-day rule. But girls should acknowledge they play plenty of games too: waiting to return calls, waiting to have sex, not accepting weekend dates past Tuesday even if they don’t have plans, etc. (All very valid rules, too).

I think girls hate things like the three-day rule because it brings to mind the times they’ve had to wait by the phone for some guy they really dug to call. They tend to forget the times they were semi-interested in some guy, and then dismissed him ’cause he came across as needy and lame by calling too soon. Who wants to be that guy?

Dating would be much easier if you had some secret way of telling how much your date liked you … but there really isn’t. Even if a girl is willing to make out with you passionately against a parked car in Chelsea after a cocktail or two, you can’t really know for certain how interested she’ll be the next day. And I’m sure guys are the same way. Hence, the need for games like the three-day rule.

(at least, in this one bloke’s opinion … not trying to pass myself off as any type of dating expert here)

Responses to “a defense of gamesmanship and stuff like that”

CL Says: That’s one of the more fair assessments of the situation. You kind of touched on something when you said you wished there was a way to know how much a date liked you. Because if someone really likes you, it’s not going to make a difference if you call soon or wait three days. Obviously someone who really liked you would be thrilled you get a call from you the next day. And someone who wasn’t that into you would consider that pushy. Really, waiting an extra day to call, or what have you, isn’t going to change someone’s opinion one way or the other.
But there are reasons to play “games” if you want to call it that. Say I went on a date with you and an hour in, thought you were the most amazing guy I’d ever met and wanted to marry you. I darn well wouldn’t say it, even if I was thinking it. So that, right there, is a game. (And for those who say I *should* say that, believe me, if I did it and the feeling wasn’t mutual, that would scare me from ever making any type of confession like that again.)

I think this is why people’s emotions are so much deeper when they’re younger…because they don’t temper them as much. They’re not as scared of getting hurt.

One comment, though - women don’t necessarily withhold sex in order to play a game. It’s often in order to make sure they’re not going to be used. If you’ve dated someone for a longer period of time, you can be more secure that they like you and will see you again or call you after sex. Making yourself that emotionally vulnerable and then never hearing from the person again is pretty painful. You start doubting yourself even more than usual, thinking, “Was it that bad?” or “I was willing to have sex with him, and all of a sudden he’s lost interest?” Believe me, it’s painful.

For both sides, there are no guarantees. I guess we play these “games” in order to not get hurt. There are degrees of gameness, though. Waiting a day to call is not as bad as, say, telling someone you’re dating four people at once in order to make them think you’re really popular - which would be stupid.

derek rose Says:

Thanks. That is a fair point about sex. Sometimes the games are not so much about not getting hurt as just trying to “market” yourself well, too, though. But that is a fair thing to do.

Also, I don’t know if I “wish” that there was an easy way to tell how much your date likes you … I mean, that’s just not going to happen until we develop telepathy. It would make dating maybe not as maddening, but not as much fun, either.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Follow up to What’s a Girl to Do?

Lowe is on the DL. Crap.

Marking Time

It seems as though lately all I have been doing is keeping track of time. It is my least favorite part of my job ~ billing in six-minute increments is not my favorite thing. I am constantly looking at the clock which sometimes makes the day seem quite long and other times alarmingly short. But lately in my personal life I have also been finding myself counting days and hours far too often. How many weeks until Sarah, Jenny and Kristen come? How long until I go to MN? How many weeks until Carney comes back? How long until my trip to Hawaii? These are all fun things to look forward to but I am wondering if I am missing out on things happening today, right now. Some people are really good about not putting the cart before the horse. I am not so much that way. I was talking to Erica the other day about this very thing. The goal of course is to appreciate the journey but she and I were both in agreement that we would both really like to know what the end held. I read the end of books first and never made a decision in choose your own adventure books without reading all of the options. Nothing much has changed there that is for sure.

What is the secret to enjoying today during today? A guy I dated last year told me to read a book called the Power of Now. After we broke up I tried to read it and I got a little weirded out by the “New Ageiness” so I never finished the book but I have a feeling there is probably some truth in there that maybe I should attempt again to find. In life I tend to look toward the future a lot which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but maybe I end up missing things and I don’t even realize it. It would be like taking a road trip and only looking straight ahead out of the front of the car. Can you imagine everything you would miss?

I wish I had an answer to this question but I don’t and it is making this blog entry rather difficult to finish so I think I am going to sign off now and head back to marking time in six minute increments but AFTER that I am going to stop marking time, counting days and weeks and I am going to attempt to enjoy life as it goes by.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

What’s a girl to do?

It started way back when with Dave Valley (although I am a bit hesitant to admit that now) then shifted to Dan Wilson for many many years; my baseball crushes, the object of my unchanging affection during baseball season. I ALWAYS have someone that I keep an eye on. The reason for the crushes change. I have a thing for catchers, not going to lie, so the crushes on Dave and Dan were simple. Dan is attractive and from the Midwest and such a great family man and a Christian to boot! What wasn’t to admire/adore. Shoot, my cat’s middle name is Danwilson.

But last year after Dan’s retirement I was a bit at a loss about what to do. Enter Jeremy Reed. He wears #7 (my favorite), isn’t a catcher but plays centerfield with great gusto, is close to my age and is adorable. All reasons to have a crush – PLUS he lived next to Uncle George so the thought of maybe having a chance to meet him made him that much more appealing. I followed him and cheered for him until he broke his hand on the 3rd of July. I saw it happen live and knew it was broken as soon as it occurred.

But my enthusiasm wasn’t squelched! I was happy each time I saw him at the park and continued to follow his rehab progress as best I could. I anxiously awaited “next year” for a myriad of reasons but one was to see JR back in the lineup. I followed his progress this spring with rapt attention and was feeling as though there was some promise for him to land a bench job since it seemed very obvious the outfield was full. But then yesterday disaster struck. The Mariners sent him to the minors. He will be starting the season at Triple A Tacoma.

So now what!? My focus has been shattered. I have no game face going into Monday’s Opening Day game. As a baseball fan it is unnerving going into the season with a superstition in ruin. I know the success of the team falls on my routine and without a Dan Wilson or Jeremy Reed I am without one. CRAP.

Who can fill the void?

Yuniesky? He has heart but I am not really into shortstops.

Big Sexy – interesting idea. 1st base is a good position. Have you heard the guy give an interview though? Not a lot of charisma there.

What about pitchers? No more Joel who I could have easily fallen in love with. Pitchers are hard too because if they are a SP you only see them once every 5 days. I need something more. One of my love languages is quality time. (hahaha – now I am cracking myself up.)

I am not into the Japanese players, I think mostly because everyone else is.

Raul? Too old.

The new guys haven’t proven themselves to me yet.

Beltre?

Lopez?

Lowe? Wait – that might be the answer. Maybe I can hang my hat on Mark Lowe. He is a reliever so I would see him more than every 5 days, from Texas which is always good, decent looking, has some fire in his belly. OK OK I am starting to come out of panic mode. Mark Lowe it is. For now at least. He better do well though or there is no way I am naming a pet after him!

Go Mariners!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

PANIC!!!!

I thought I just found a grey hair. Don’t worry though – it was just a fake blonde one.

Monday, March 19, 2007

OK OK I forgive him

He is lucky he is so wonderful or the three-day thing would have been the end (well, maybe – turns out a weakness for Navy men is genetic). There is some great information about the three-day rule on the internet. Here are a few:
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts5940331.aspx
http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_top_ten_100/124_dating_list.html
This guy is dead on: http://www.enotalone.com/article/1044.html

This one doesn’t have anything to do with the three-day rule but it cracked me up. http://www.wikihow.com/Treat-a-Girl-the-Way-She-Should-Be-Treated

Or this one http://www.wikihow.com/Get-a-Girl-to-Like-You (ok I am seriously dying of laughter)

Ah dating.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Who was it that invented the three-day rule and does anyone have a shotgun I can borrow?

So, Carney came through (I really have a hard time calling him Carney although it is quite humorous since he worked on roller coasters at one point in his life) and called last night. Three-day rule. Stupid. Whoever established that does not deserve to be alive. Does he (I say he because it had to have been a guy!) know what that does to a girl? Oh well, at least he called and we have plans for the weekend. Phew. Now I can breath again.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

I need to get out of my own way

I can't seem to get out of my own head today. It is making it incredibly difficult to work, hence the two blog entries. I need it to be Friday.

Men = Lame

Ugh, I am frustrated. I don’t understand how the male mind works. Why is it that if a girl says to you, I will call you tomorrow she will call tomorrow but if a guy says to you I will call you tomorrow it means he will not call you tomorrow, and in fact probably will not call you the next day. You MIGHT be lucky enough to get a call on the third day (stupid rule) if at all. What I don’t understand is how a person can have a connection with another person and not wish to follow up on that – and how you can not continue to think about the person and want to talk to them AND how you can say something to someone and then just not do it. I would never say to someone “I’ll meet you for lunch tomorrow” and then not show and not call and maybe even not call the day after or the day after that. What has made that acceptable behavior? What has given men the right to think that is ok? To me that is just plain bad manners and I don’t understand it. Do you not care enough about other people in this world to do what you say you are going to do rather than just let it slide? Who started this stupid three-day rule? I would like to have them shot. If the individual I am ranting about right now (some of you will know who he is) actually calls me tonight, three days after we hung out and two days after I was supposedly going to get a call, I am going to be slightly annoyed, relieved but also annoyed. Why is it guys think that is ok?

On a more positive note – I would just like to point out the fact that opening day of baseball (the happiest day of the year) is only 19 days away, the Mariners FINALLY got two wins in a row and while it snowed a little this morning the trees are in full bud which means spring and the season are all incredibly close. I need to call and find out what is going on with my tickets. I guess I can’t be TOO mad at men since there are 40 of them that are going to be my number one source of entertainment for the next 9 months but still, pick up the phone and call when you say you are going to. I am sure they call their agents on time.

On top of ALL that (like that isn’t enough!) I have a new adorable car, Murph is coming to visit next weekend from MN and Kristen and Jenny are coming from MN the weekend after that to be here for 5 days (and opening day) and between those two visits I get to have dinner in the Rainer Tower for the first time ever. Seriously, if it weren’t for Carney being an idiot life would be pretty much perfect.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Employment – a necessary evil

I think I would make the best manager of people. I would listen, I would feel apathy and I would care. Unlike my current employer.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Year End

If I had to pick a least favorite holiday I would without a doubt pick New Years Eve. I don’t know why. It might have something to do with the fact that it was always sort of a non-event in my household growing up or maybe the fact that I stay up until midnight on a fairly regular basis anyway so it seems like any other day. I don’t really know. I do know that it is a great excuse to get together with friends and I am looking forward to a party at my friend Katie’s house this year – it is a dress up cocktail party and I know it will be a lot of fun but there is still part of me that is a big scrooge when it comes to the holiday. Maybe it is the lack of someone to kiss at midnight or just the finality of the year or maybe it is that I always become too introspective this time of year and I begin to examine finances, start making plans for becoming a better person next year and realizing where the failures fell last year, but also seeing the successes. To be honest I don’t know where 2007 came from but it’s here, no stopping it now.

So 2006, it’s all but behind me. I started thinking through 2006 last week. There are many highlights – from visits from people in MN to visiting MN, to the trip to NYC and singing at Carnegie, to a trip to AZ for Spring Training, opening day of baseball, trip to LA and learning to surf, many failed dating relationships (haha) but also some good new strong friendships, a new house and the list could go on.

So the question to be answered becomes what do I expect of myself in 2007? That is a question I have been asking myself for the last week and the frustrating thing for me is I have no idea and I have no courage to come up with an answer. Isn’t that lame? I am afraid to set goals or do any type of vision casting because I am afraid of failure, afraid of coming up short. I do, however, feel strongly that I need to have one goal; one important thing to strive for.

I turn 30 in 2007. I have no idea where THAT came from but just like 2007 it is here. I am sure that all of the goals we set back in elementary school related to being 30. It is a milestone. Hmm – what does that mean exactly? Am I where I need to be? If not what do I need to do to get there. Time is different for people in my generation and the amount of single 30 somethings have grown but still I feel as though there is a portion of the population that looks at us and wonders why we are single. To be honest I don’t mind my singleness. Sure I would love to be married and have someone to help carry the burdens of life and to share the joys with and to love and to love me in return but in actuality – I live a really good life. I love and get love from my friends and family. I have plenty of people to turn to when in need. So while that was probably something I saw as not only a possibility but a probability when I was in grade school, my life is full to overflowing without it.

Obviously, marriage isn’t something you can plan for or set as a goal so that isn’t the goal for 2007 at all. So let’s see. What is an attainable goal for 2007? Here it is: my goal for 2007 is to be less tired. That means less committed, less busy, more relaxed. That’s it. That’s the goal. I want to be running through the streets skipping with energy again by this time next year. That’s something I am not afraid of failing at. It’s a bit chicken but at least it is a place to start.

Oh and I want to be funnier.