Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Sometimes the past is supposed to be the past

The past few weeks have held an alarming amount of reconnections for me from my days growing up and into “adulthood”. (haha – anyone who knows me knows I use that term loosely.) I am struggling to process it all actually because it has come as a bit of a surprise. It started with an email from my “first love” who I have remained in loose contact with since college. It is wonderful to hear he has graduated from law school and just took the California Bar Exam (I have my fingers crossed for him to pass and land his dream job in San Francisco. I have always hoped for the best for Tyler.) and doing really well, although I am sure he pines for me on occasion. haha It is nice that he and I have been able to remain friends although not to the extent we once were, but that is a conversation for another day.

Then at Rotary a few weeks ago I looked across the table to see the mother of a guy I had a crush on my ENTIRE high school career. He never gave me the time of day other than in friendship which in hindsight really was enough. He is married now and it turns out he lives only a few miles from me. It is crazy to share lunch with his mom on a weekly basis. Then, my mom got an email from an old friend who was searching for me because my high school class (GO PANTHERS!) has finally gotten its act together and we are having a 10-year reunion in October and I was on the MIA list. So you can only imagine what that has done. I have suddenly felt the urge to reconnect to EVERYONE. I emailed my friend whose mom is in my rotary about it along with some other friends his mom told me email addresses for and suddenly I am being asked to a BBQ at his house in the near future. It is like I have entered a strange time continuum but of course I am going. I looked a little closer at the list and realized one of my best friends who I would love to reconnect with is on the list as MIA. So today I picked up the phone and called her dad. Yup – he still lives at the same place and I had a nice conversation with her step-mom and gave her my contact information. I guess Kristen lives a few miles from me as well, has a six-year-old son and is happy and healthy. All things I was hoping for.

So, I think to myself, “well this is all going so well I should email another “old” friend”. Only this one isn’t so “old”. Remember the boy I dated that I told you about at the beginning of my blog – back in April/May? Well, I sent him an email. We hadn’t communicated since the end of May and I was feeling strong, I have been dating, trying to move on, enjoying my summer, seeing there are other fish in the sea. Well, as you can imagine this didn’t go the way I had hoped. I sent a quick little “hope you had a nice summer” note and got a response that told me all about the things he had been doing, that he had been missing me, that he had committed himself to church again – something that he did based on my influence so becoming more the man I wanted him to be, and asking if I was seeing anyone that he would have to “beat up”. My heart dropped. I guess I was not quite ready for that response – not sure when I will be if ever. I guess sometimes history is written in books and not relived for a reason. Dang it.

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