Wednesday, May 17, 2006

What does it all mean?

So lately I have gone through a period of "when it rains it pours". Within two days I had a very dear friend move out of the country, the end of a dating relationship that had been making me very happy and lost a grandparent. If that doesn't make you say what in the world is going on here I don't know what does. Also, if it doesn't make you a prime candidate for a mental breakdown, I don't know what does. BUT - thankfully, I have a group of friends and family who are rockstars. They saw my need and low and behold stepped up beside me and carried a good portion of my burden. It didn't make the pain less but it sure did increase my ability to carry the load.

So through a lot of introspection and to be frank talking things through probably too much (hello I am female) I have learned some valuable lessons in the past three weeks or so. One of the big ones is that to stop being hurt I have to stop caring so much about people. I told a friend of mine this very thing a few months ago when she was entering a relationship that had trouble written all over it. I told her to post a guard by her heart (I think we named him Peter). Well evidently we made a big mistake by making him male because he failed miserably and she now has to deal with a very undeserving broken heart. She isn't the only one either. It seems lately there has been a rash of breakups, some of them easier, some of them harder but all of them lame - including mine which was inevitable but still not fair.

So what can one do to combat the problem of pain. I have come up with three steps:
1) Become selfish. Throw yourself into work. Set a goal that is so outlandish it takes all of your time but make sure it doesn't benefit anyone but yourself.
2) Cut off all modes of communication with human beings and any type of domestic animal. Forget the English language and don't learn a new one.
3) Grow a penis. OK that isn't entirely true (and sorry mom and dad if you read this and this word scares you, haha). I have a lot of men friends who are very sensitive and would prove this statement very wrong but sometimes that is how it feels.

So how do you do that exactly? Well it appears to me the only way is to become a hermit or a nun and since I don't have the will power to do it on my own I figure I will commit myself to the local convent. Forget about the house I am buying that I really can't afford, forget about the car I should buy to match my job title that I can't afford either and just take loss in one fatal swoop - lose everything at once and commit myself to my relationship with my Savior. Ironic isn't it? Isn't that what we are supposed to be doing everyday anyway? Maybe through all of my searching that, in reality is the answer, put it all on his shoulders. So, you can find me at the local nunnery.

For the next week anyway.........


Anonymous said...

Maybe, along with focusing on the Savior, (although I wouldn't recommend becoming a Nun because you're not Catholic)you can look at all that you do have. Focus on that rather than what you don't have!

KermitFan said...

Maybe it's not all bad... it's all in how you look at it, KT...